Sam, your mom just poked me!?

SO, this video is pretty ba-nanas.

Not only is this guy 100% right about the annoying aspects of Facebook, but also he has a trademark tooth gap that makes me smile.

Plus, I feel a kinship towards this Julian Smith since I myself am the creator of the “10 Commandments of Adult Facebook Usage,” which I believe all parents must follow in order to save their children much unnecessary embarrassment.

Here ’tis:

In an effort to end the confusion, I present to you the 10 Commandments of Adult Facebook Use. While not etched into stone tablets and handed down from atop Mt. Sinai, these guidelines should be revered as if they came from the mouth of a deity; only this time the deity has 804 friends and 566 tagged photos.

1. Thou shalt not friend request thy children or thy children’s friends.

Sure, it is nice to feel young again. And, who doesn’t want more friends? But, keep in mind that the often-unmonitored profiles of college Facebook users have been linked to premature graying and rapid advanced aging. If you are finding out more about your children’s lives from Facebook profiles than from conversations with them, there might be something wrong.

2. Thou shalt not update thy status more than one time per day.

To be honest, no one’s life is exciting enough to warrant multiple daily status changes. However, if you really feel the need to keep all of your friends in the loop about your every activity, skip the status update and head straight for twitter.

3. Thou shalt not upload any photos of thyself engaging in inappropriate acts.

It is bad enough when college-aged Facebook users tag themselves in photos in which they are holding a Solo cup or kissing a stranger at a bar, so one can imagine that this is doubly inappropriate for someone with a seat on the PTA.

4. Thou shalt not comment on photos containing explicit behavior.

It does not matter how hip and with-it you might be, adults on Facebook should never comment on the younger generation’s photos. Even if you are trying to display a total understanding of modern college culture, it is just wrong to write anything about a picture in which someone half your age clearly has had a few too many drinks.

5. Thou shalt not spend more than 15 minutes per day on Facebook.

With a job, a family and friends, you should have more important things to do than cruise around Facebook for hours at a time. Make sure you set some limits for yourself. You know…limits…those things you created to discipline your kids?

6. Thou shalt not have any applications on thy wall.

It is never appropriate for adults to post games and quizzes to a Facebook wall. Sure, it might be neat to figure out Which Wizard of Oz Character you would be, but does the rest of the online population need to know? If you choose to be an adult on Facebook, stick with the basic setup and skip the extra bells and whistles.

7. Thou shalt not have more than thy name, email and hometown in thy profile.

Bouncing off of Commandment #6, keep your profile as basic as possible. There’s no reason to cite your favorite TV shows, music and quotes, since your presence on Facebook should be for professional networking or re-connecting with old friends. If you are an adult strictly looking for a love connection on Facebook, then we have a problem.

8. Thou shalt only use Facebook as a networking tool and not a social experiment.

For adults, Facebook should not be used to learn more about that kid you saw at that party last weekend. In fact, adults should use the site quite differently than students. Adults can use Facebook for business and networking, and that’s about it.

9. Thou shalt not Facebook stalk.

Though it might be difficult, adults need to refrain from Facebook stalking, or the cruising of someone’s profile page to check up on their wall postings with other online users. Proper Facebook stalking is a skill that one must learn through dedication and persistence, and adults just do not have the time or experience to master it completely. Also, at a certain age, there is just something wrong about following someone virtually.

10. Thou shalt never reference thy Facebook activities outside of the home.

Everyone knows that adults are on Facebook now. But, does that mean that we have to talk about it? When in the comfort of your own home it is completely acceptable to mention a friend’s status or brag about your new profile pic. But out in the real world, please pretend like you have something else to talk about. When you are at a professional cocktail party and your icebreaker is ‘You’ll never guess what I posted on my friend’s wall yesterday…’ it might be time to admit you have a problem.

Some people may disagree with the Commandments and argue that they perpetuate an unfair double standard. It might not be right, but it is reality. It is a matter of generational progress. In 20 years, undergraduate college students will have some new form of social engagement from which today’s Facebook user will find himself excluded. It is the cyber cycle of life. Regardless of your adherence to these guidelines, the most important thing to remember is that you should use Facebook, and not vice-versa. Just remember why Facebook was founded and you might be able to pull yourself away from the computer screen for long enough to re-evaluate what you are doing online. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go update my status.

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January 12, 2010. Tags: . Uncategorized.

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